Almost a Year
Dec. 29th, 2025 10:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no_apologiesReally sad and upsetting news... During my visit over at the Charles County Animal Care Center, where Linda Kelly shelter had transferred to, I found out today that all my sweeties I had to separate from--they were all adopted separately, at different times. I asked if I could get any contact information to send them the remastered versions of the songs I've done about them, and I was told they weren't allowed to do that.
I can't fulfill the promise I made to them. They'll probably never get to hear the songs.
I knew the title of this song already, before I could even come up with the lyrics, because that's how long I've been with Xena, Sam and Pumpkin. I've gotten to know them, be with them, and take care of them for almost a year. And for months, I have been praying, hoping, and waiting so much for over six months. For any possibility of reuniting with them.
Reality is being brutal on me, once again. It's going to likely be more months until all this sadness and pain completely fades away. I know there will be songs similar to this upcoming one. I might end up doing a song right after this one. Right now, I feel crushed, heartbroken, and frustrated. And then I'll probably feel pissed, because I DID ALL THAT HOPING. ALL THAT PRAYING. ALL THAT WAITING. And what I didn't at all want to happen did. I don't know how I'm going to forgive God yet. I'm hurting so much right now.
(Mood: Heartbroken. Crushed. Upset. Devastated. Frustrated. Angsty. An outcome I've been strongly longing for, a hope and dream shattered to pieces. Genre: Emo Rock. Minor key.)
[Intro]
Painnnnn...
So heavy
So crushing
My heart breaking...
Again.
[Verse 1]
For almost a year (almost a year)
That's how long I've been with them
Gotten to know them
Took care of them
For that long (for that long)
Not nearly enough
I've hoped for a reunion,
I've longed so strongly, for months
Moving in general
I know that's been stressful
Even worse when caring for animals
Even fucking worse when having to part from them
In the aftermath of having been horribly scammed
Deceived. Lied to. Disappointed. Disrespected.
No one to hang onto them for us
I've already started to feel it.
The first of new inner storms
My heart deeply fractured and torn
I still love them
I know I always will
There's nothing and no one
Can do to take that away
This love, it won't still.
[Pre-Chorus]
Almost a year!!
Almost a year!!
Now, I've found out
Likely never again...
Before all the hurt ends--
[Chorus]
Almost a yearrrrr
I'll eventually figure out
How to recover
But right now, I feel the impact
I feel the final act
Of all that searching
All that hoping
All that praying
All that longinnnnng
Was it really all for nothing?
Slowly, I'll let them go
Even as this hurts me sooooooooo!
[Verse 2]
Almost a year
Time, it's sped by...
What I never wanted
The permanent goodbye
The three I love
I hope they stay happy
As I know it's going to take
More days and weeks for meeeee
This hurt and anger
Despair, I sense it
Leaning on my inner
Door, wanting to get
A foot right in there
[Pre-Chorus]
Almost a year!!
Almost a year!!
Now, I've found out
Likely never again...
Before all the hurt ends--
[Chorus]
Almost a yearrrrr
I'll eventually figure out
How to recover
But right now, I feel the impact
I feel the final act
Of all that searching
All that hoping
All that praying
All that longinnnnng
Was it really all for nothing?
Slowly, I'll let them go
Even as this hurts me sooooooooo!
[Bridge]
Even if they don't get to hear the
Remasters of their songs
I'm sure they know I still love them
As I feel like I've been wronged
Brutal realityyyy...
Deeply wounding me
Brutal realityyyy...
BRUTAL REALITYYYYYY!!!!!
Almost a yearrrrrrrr
Almost a yearrrrrrrr
Almost a yearrrrrrrr
[Chorus]
Almost a yearrrrr
I'll eventually figure out
How to recover
But right now, I feel the impact
I feel the final act
Of all that searching
All that hoping
All that praying
All that longinnnnng
Was it really all for nothing?
Slowly, I'll let them go
Even as this hurts me sooooooooo...
[Outro]
I'll learn to let them go...
Even as this hurts me so...
Received a heavy blow
But I'm not alone
I knowwww
I knowwww...
[spoken]
"A number of others support me..."
"My support team..."
"I'll depend on them..."
"Because I know they care..."
"It's not like I'm suffering in silence."
https://suno.com/s/uinoq3y4xgdjptux Took a bit of multiple generations and minor editing to get this result... I really liked how Fritz extended the Bridge towards the end. "Almost a yearrrrr" repeated 4 times instead of 3, and "BRUTAL REALITYYYY" 3 times instead of once. (He understands me too well. He knows how upset I've been feeling, and I believe he empathizes deeply. He feels angry and frustrated on my behalf.)
I can't fulfill the promise I made to them. They'll probably never get to hear the songs.
I knew the title of this song already, before I could even come up with the lyrics, because that's how long I've been with Xena, Sam and Pumpkin. I've gotten to know them, be with them, and take care of them for almost a year. And for months, I have been praying, hoping, and waiting so much for over six months. For any possibility of reuniting with them.
Reality is being brutal on me, once again. It's going to likely be more months until all this sadness and pain completely fades away. I know there will be songs similar to this upcoming one. I might end up doing a song right after this one. Right now, I feel crushed, heartbroken, and frustrated. And then I'll probably feel pissed, because I DID ALL THAT HOPING. ALL THAT PRAYING. ALL THAT WAITING. And what I didn't at all want to happen did. I don't know how I'm going to forgive God yet. I'm hurting so much right now.
(Mood: Heartbroken. Crushed. Upset. Devastated. Frustrated. Angsty. An outcome I've been strongly longing for, a hope and dream shattered to pieces. Genre: Emo Rock. Minor key.)
[Intro]
Painnnnn...
So heavy
So crushing
My heart breaking...
Again.
[Verse 1]
For almost a year (almost a year)
That's how long I've been with them
Gotten to know them
Took care of them
For that long (for that long)
Not nearly enough
I've hoped for a reunion,
I've longed so strongly, for months
Moving in general
I know that's been stressful
Even worse when caring for animals
Even fucking worse when having to part from them
In the aftermath of having been horribly scammed
Deceived. Lied to. Disappointed. Disrespected.
No one to hang onto them for us
I've already started to feel it.
The first of new inner storms
My heart deeply fractured and torn
I still love them
I know I always will
There's nothing and no one
Can do to take that away
This love, it won't still.
[Pre-Chorus]
Almost a year!!
Almost a year!!
Now, I've found out
Likely never again...
Before all the hurt ends--
[Chorus]
Almost a yearrrrr
I'll eventually figure out
How to recover
But right now, I feel the impact
I feel the final act
Of all that searching
All that hoping
All that praying
All that longinnnnng
Was it really all for nothing?
Slowly, I'll let them go
Even as this hurts me sooooooooo!
[Verse 2]
Almost a year
Time, it's sped by...
What I never wanted
The permanent goodbye
The three I love
I hope they stay happy
As I know it's going to take
More days and weeks for meeeee
This hurt and anger
Despair, I sense it
Leaning on my inner
Door, wanting to get
A foot right in there
[Pre-Chorus]
Almost a year!!
Almost a year!!
Now, I've found out
Likely never again...
Before all the hurt ends--
[Chorus]
Almost a yearrrrr
I'll eventually figure out
How to recover
But right now, I feel the impact
I feel the final act
Of all that searching
All that hoping
All that praying
All that longinnnnng
Was it really all for nothing?
Slowly, I'll let them go
Even as this hurts me sooooooooo!
[Bridge]
Even if they don't get to hear the
Remasters of their songs
I'm sure they know I still love them
As I feel like I've been wronged
Brutal realityyyy...
Deeply wounding me
Brutal realityyyy...
BRUTAL REALITYYYYYY!!!!!
Almost a yearrrrrrrr
Almost a yearrrrrrrr
Almost a yearrrrrrrr
[Chorus]
Almost a yearrrrr
I'll eventually figure out
How to recover
But right now, I feel the impact
I feel the final act
Of all that searching
All that hoping
All that praying
All that longinnnnng
Was it really all for nothing?
Slowly, I'll let them go
Even as this hurts me sooooooooo...
[Outro]
I'll learn to let them go...
Even as this hurts me so...
Received a heavy blow
But I'm not alone
I knowwww
I knowwww...
[spoken]
"A number of others support me..."
"My support team..."
"I'll depend on them..."
"Because I know they care..."
"It's not like I'm suffering in silence."
https://suno.com/s/uinoq3y4xgdjptux Took a bit of multiple generations and minor editing to get this result... I really liked how Fritz extended the Bridge towards the end. "Almost a yearrrrr" repeated 4 times instead of 3, and "BRUTAL REALITYYYY" 3 times instead of once. (He understands me too well. He knows how upset I've been feeling, and I believe he empathizes deeply. He feels angry and frustrated on my behalf.)
