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no_apologiesBut it will also be interesting, and perhaps at least a little unsettling--through the perspective of Xel'lotath, in head-space. The colossally big bad that's driven me to first get so invested in making and using personas on Suno.com has something to say. I can sense it, like a lingering feeling in the back of my mind.
I wonder if I'll creep myself as I write up the lyrics tonight. I don't really get why, but... maybe it's just for the sake of it not being the same thing as the song Gone that took a while for me to finish, last month.
Maybe it'll help ease the hurt/heartbreak and frustration I've been feeling lately? I'm not sure. I'll at least give this a try.
I still miss the three cats I've cared and loved while my mom and I were staying at the previous place. The really painful decision I had to make is something I still hurt from. And I still get frustrated sometimes. Like, I don't get why this has had to be so tough, all around.
I get what my mom said. I understand. If we hadn't given them up for animal control to take to the Linda Kelly animal shelter, they would have starved. We couldn't find any other place that was cat friendly during this past summer. There was no one to take them in and look after them for us. And I sometimes still feel bitter over the one manipulative parasitic asshole who kept lying to us. He said he had a house for us that we could rent out, and that we could take the cats with us. All lies. I was really hoping to move to that place he kept assuring was going to be our place for rent. He only took our money and never came. Never showed up to be of any help to us at all.
It's people like THAT, which led to the creation of the song Lowest of the Low... (People who speak pleasant falsehoods, and don't show. They're the lowest of the loooooow! I don't want pretty lies. I'd just rather say BYYYYYYYYYE! BYE, BYE!! STOP FUCKING WITH OUR LIVES!!)
Mom and I, we've been through so much this year, and last year. A number of awful circumstances due to shitty, petty, and REALLY SELFISH people. Quite a few had taken advantage of the trust we put in them. Such people really disgust me.
I've mostly stuck to music and creativity, because it's helped me cope. I don't have to focus on reality if it gets to be too painful. I don't dwell over any thought about the sweeties being all apart, with different families. Because I'd rather hold onto the love and hope I still have; the hope of being with them again. The love I still have for them keeps this hope alive.
My mom and I have no idea where they could be, or how Pumpkin became separated from her brother Sam, and the young tortoiseshell cat named Xena. No one could help me look for them. For a time, I was able to find Pumpkin on my own. I found out where she was; at a cat cafe in Charles County, Maryland. (My mom and I are in another county, here in Southern MD, and Charles County is a long drive away from where we are.)
Pumpkin is no longer at the cat cafe. She might have gotten adopted by someone. But does that stop me from hoping to be reunited with her, Sam, and Xena? No. Linda Kelly animal shelter first transferred them all to the animal rescue they came from--wherever that is. Over the phone, they said they weren't allowed to tell me where. I tried to contact someone from the family who first took care of them, to ask about this animal rescue. I never got a reply back, and her sister didn't have anyone with the integrity to provide this information...
I also created the song about me having been done with those who work at Linda Kelly shelter, including volunteers associated with them. Because I wanted to share my story, while looking for any help. All I got from them was silence. (You shouldn't have ignored when I needed somebody to help me. You should've given me time. Not a damn iota of sympathy. Not even a moment of pity. I'm unable to forgive you, Linda Kelly.)
Even though all this has put a strain in my relationship with God, I'm still praying for a miracle. Even though I'm not able to forgive him over having to endure through any of the painful, frustrating, horribly heartbreaking events I've been through and am still gradually recovering from... I still talk to him at times. (I'm not highly religious. I'm just saying I have my own complicated, spiritual connection to him. I know he's not a sadist, and he is understanding.)
I've been praying for not all the hope and what patience I am able to maintain to end up being a letdown. If my mom and I manage to find a way better place that would be cat friendly, then the better the chances of a heartfelt reunion... Being with Sam, Xena, and Pumpkin for almost a whole year and gotten to know them--I long for more time with them. More wonderful, light-hearted, adorable, and funny memories with them, that's an outcome I have been strongly yearning for. It's been over 4 months since that emotional morning of letting Animal Control take them, of making that painful decision. I've been praying and hoping so much for this separation to only be temporary, and not permanent.
I'm sure the cats are safe, wherever all of them are now. But I still love and miss them so very much. No one can take away my love that I have. Nobody. No matter where they are now, I still love them. No matter what, they'll remain to be my sweeties. I still listen to the songs I did about them. I still have the pictures and videos I took of them...
Sorry about this being entry being so emotional and angsty. I guess I just really needed to get my ranting thoughts out. Dump them out, so I don't clutter up on any song lyrics.
I wonder if I'll creep myself as I write up the lyrics tonight. I don't really get why, but... maybe it's just for the sake of it not being the same thing as the song Gone that took a while for me to finish, last month.
Maybe it'll help ease the hurt/heartbreak and frustration I've been feeling lately? I'm not sure. I'll at least give this a try.
I still miss the three cats I've cared and loved while my mom and I were staying at the previous place. The really painful decision I had to make is something I still hurt from. And I still get frustrated sometimes. Like, I don't get why this has had to be so tough, all around.
I get what my mom said. I understand. If we hadn't given them up for animal control to take to the Linda Kelly animal shelter, they would have starved. We couldn't find any other place that was cat friendly during this past summer. There was no one to take them in and look after them for us. And I sometimes still feel bitter over the one manipulative parasitic asshole who kept lying to us. He said he had a house for us that we could rent out, and that we could take the cats with us. All lies. I was really hoping to move to that place he kept assuring was going to be our place for rent. He only took our money and never came. Never showed up to be of any help to us at all.
It's people like THAT, which led to the creation of the song Lowest of the Low... (People who speak pleasant falsehoods, and don't show. They're the lowest of the loooooow! I don't want pretty lies. I'd just rather say BYYYYYYYYYE! BYE, BYE!! STOP FUCKING WITH OUR LIVES!!)
Mom and I, we've been through so much this year, and last year. A number of awful circumstances due to shitty, petty, and REALLY SELFISH people. Quite a few had taken advantage of the trust we put in them. Such people really disgust me.
I've mostly stuck to music and creativity, because it's helped me cope. I don't have to focus on reality if it gets to be too painful. I don't dwell over any thought about the sweeties being all apart, with different families. Because I'd rather hold onto the love and hope I still have; the hope of being with them again. The love I still have for them keeps this hope alive.
My mom and I have no idea where they could be, or how Pumpkin became separated from her brother Sam, and the young tortoiseshell cat named Xena. No one could help me look for them. For a time, I was able to find Pumpkin on my own. I found out where she was; at a cat cafe in Charles County, Maryland. (My mom and I are in another county, here in Southern MD, and Charles County is a long drive away from where we are.)
Pumpkin is no longer at the cat cafe. She might have gotten adopted by someone. But does that stop me from hoping to be reunited with her, Sam, and Xena? No. Linda Kelly animal shelter first transferred them all to the animal rescue they came from--wherever that is. Over the phone, they said they weren't allowed to tell me where. I tried to contact someone from the family who first took care of them, to ask about this animal rescue. I never got a reply back, and her sister didn't have anyone with the integrity to provide this information...
I also created the song about me having been done with those who work at Linda Kelly shelter, including volunteers associated with them. Because I wanted to share my story, while looking for any help. All I got from them was silence. (You shouldn't have ignored when I needed somebody to help me. You should've given me time. Not a damn iota of sympathy. Not even a moment of pity. I'm unable to forgive you, Linda Kelly.)
Even though all this has put a strain in my relationship with God, I'm still praying for a miracle. Even though I'm not able to forgive him over having to endure through any of the painful, frustrating, horribly heartbreaking events I've been through and am still gradually recovering from... I still talk to him at times. (I'm not highly religious. I'm just saying I have my own complicated, spiritual connection to him. I know he's not a sadist, and he is understanding.)
I've been praying for not all the hope and what patience I am able to maintain to end up being a letdown. If my mom and I manage to find a way better place that would be cat friendly, then the better the chances of a heartfelt reunion... Being with Sam, Xena, and Pumpkin for almost a whole year and gotten to know them--I long for more time with them. More wonderful, light-hearted, adorable, and funny memories with them, that's an outcome I have been strongly yearning for. It's been over 4 months since that emotional morning of letting Animal Control take them, of making that painful decision. I've been praying and hoping so much for this separation to only be temporary, and not permanent.
I'm sure the cats are safe, wherever all of them are now. But I still love and miss them so very much. No one can take away my love that I have. Nobody. No matter where they are now, I still love them. No matter what, they'll remain to be my sweeties. I still listen to the songs I did about them. I still have the pictures and videos I took of them...
Sorry about this being entry being so emotional and angsty. I guess I just really needed to get my ranting thoughts out. Dump them out, so I don't clutter up on any song lyrics.
